All posts by Nichole Kay

Nichole Kay moved to Arizona from North Dakota with her husband 10 years ago. Starting over in a new place has been difficult but it has been worth the challenges. Nichole has two beautiful little girls that are her world. They are 5 and 3, their main job is keeping her extremely busy. On top of writing and taking care of her family; Nichole works a full time and part time job. She is looking forward to being able to write more, as she has other story ideas and continuing the series. She also wants to spend more time with her family. Children are our future and she wants to ensure they get as much attention as possible.

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In life we are always faced with challenges and expectations. Sometimes these are things we just have to go through as a fact of life.  More often we do these things to ourselves. I am especially guilty of this. I always bite off more than I can chew. I am also seriously my worst critic. I look to others frequently for self-assurance but still assume they are hiding their true feelings from me. I have done this since school.  With every “A” I received on a paper, I always wondered was it truly good, or did it just meet the assignments expectations. I always wonder if there is more that is not being said and I will analyze and contemplate the hidden meaning, till it drives me completely crazy.

Now imagine all these self-doubts, and add in Twitter and users following and un-following you like it is nothing. Each added follower provides a new excitement and with the loss of a follower, I instantly wonder why and what I could do better. I am wondering if I am just boring my followers or do they just not like what I have to say. Also I see my statistics on my posts, and think wow, people have actually looked at them.  Then I immediately wonder, does each Hit mean someone read what I wrote or did they just glance at the page and move on.  I know I am guilty of this as well with others webpages.

In response to all these doubts and concerns, I have decided to control what I can,  I am going to work on making my writing the best it can be. As I am writing this I’m trying to figure out a good writing schedule. I am hoping that my followers are just getting bored with the lack of consistency and new information. My solution, figure out a way to keep it interesting and provide lots of new content.  I want a way to be able to maximize my time and I want to start and complete all my writing ideas. I have never been good at finishing any projects I start and  trust me I have probably a few years of work between crafts and writing. The idea seems kind of daunting at first glance.

However, I know the first step to writing, actually sit down and write. Well I’m not sitting down, I’m laying down (or sitting down days later to edit) and when I start to write, it’s easy.  All the thoughts and ideas that have been swimming around in my head finally have a voice and they just come out. I’ll re-read my writing and be surprised it was me who wrote it. I know I wrote it cause there is definitely no writing elves doing my work for me, as much as that would make my life so much easier. Oooo can I forgo the writing elves and just get a set of cleaning elves?  I think that could help me keep up with EVERYTHING that I expect myself to do.  I digress.

For the first time though, I feel I have really found that something I have been searching so long for.  I enjoy writing, I have lots of ideas, I think I’m doing a good job. I feel I have strong stories but with anything, especially in blog form there is a need to edit and polish. I will also be the first to say, I’m awful at grammar and I hope no one uses that against me, but I am trying hard. I am trying to be a writer, an editor, a publicist, a social media expert on top of everything else I am as a person, mainly a mom who needs to support her family.

This can’t be just a hobby, I need to figure out how to make it so I can earn money in order to be able to put the time in that I need to do, everything I want to do.  I was always told that  anything worth doing, is worth doing right and I want to be good at what I do.  I want others to enjoy reading my writing, as much as I enjoy writing it. In order to get others to be able to read my work, there is a whole other side of writing, which is to get others to be able to find it.  It’s hard to get things out there though, if you do not have anything for people to read. Such a circular argument, that would drive anyone crazy. So the point I’m trying to make is, why is it so hard for me to just write?

I think it is because this is not going to be just something else I give up on or don’t have time to do. I want writing  to be my life.  I want to be able to write various work s and have multiple projects going on.  I get distracted easily and I need things to keep my attention.  I do not want to get stuck in a little box where it is  assumed I can only be one thing, or write one genre. Instead of having multiple jobs, which I feel I am starting to collect, I want to have multiple projects that I am involved in. The idea that I could be working on multiple writing projects that I love and can equally divide my attention to,  would be a dream come true.  Can you imagine how easy it would be to work three jobs if you loved going to them and they paid equally? How great would it be if they were all just a little different, in order to keep you entertained but nothing ever felt like work. Instead of my current situation, one job that pays nothing, another that you enjoy but is a ton of work and one that pays the bills but you hate going to.   It is all just overwhelming.

I have found the one thing that makes sense and know it is what I want to be when I grow up, I have never felt that way about anything before.  I also know it is going to be my biggest and hardest challenge yet.  In order to deal with that, I just shut down. I feel like I spend my days trying to work myself up to writing. I’m surrounded by my daily responsibilities, taking my oldest to school, working the job that pays the bills, taking care of my family, taking care of the house and doing all those things that fall under being a mom and an adult. The one thing I want to do is write, but I feel it’s the hardest thing for me to take the time to do.

It isn’t an absence of things to do, I’m not even sure a lack of time accurately describes it. Let’s face it, if you want something you’ll make time for it no matter what. When I start to write, it consumes me and I loose track of time. That is definitely not a good thing when your life can be scheduled to the minute. I will feel like only minutes have passed but the day is gone before I know it.  That is probably the real issue.  I want to be able to just do nothing but focus on the writing.  I will have an hour to write, or I just want to post this Tweet really quick. Before I know it hours have passed or I haven’t finished what I started but I get interrupted and lose my train of thought.

I’m also everywhere with my thoughts and ideas and trying to get my writing and name out there. I enjoy promoting and researching and engaging in social media but that all takes away from the writing.  It feels more like a choice, do I have time to write or do I need to send this Post.  Maybe I need to submit my book to more publishers, locate more ways to get my name out there.  I’m always trying to do more. More tweets for attention. More blog posts for a better understanding of me. More writing to finish the ideas I have. I just keep expecting more and more from myself to the point where I get nothing done and avoid writing all together. Which is a problem when you only have a few hours here and there to accomplish anything.

In a world where it seems we expect more or others expect more from us, how do we find that balance? Currently I’m struggling with that. I’m opting for my favorite escape, into my mind and dreams where everything seems so much clearer later on. However, it tends to prevent me from doing what I set out to accomplish. How do we get from expectations to reality? That is going to be my biggest challenge moving forward. How do I make my instinct to be a good mom and the expectation to do everything to be a good adult, mix with my dreams of writing? Is there room for more in my life? I’m full of doubt and confusion while I’m seeing if I can figure it all out, and incorporate more into my life because I can always take on more. It will be interesting to see exactly how much more I can take on and make work. I am always up for the challenge and enjoy pushing myself.

I feel like I am starting to get a handle on all the social media requirements and expectations.  I have a Facebook page, it is linked to my Twitter account which I can easily make posts that link to Facebook.  The self doubt kicks in though, am I annoying my Facebook followers, what do Twitter followers want to see? These are all the questions I ask myself with every post, tweet and blog.  I have created FOUR websites! What was I thinking?! I spent the entire night getting them uniform and professional.  I also discovered a website to broadcast my stories to attract more readers.  It is really good, checkout Inkitt.com.
You can find me via Nichole Kay. However, all my current works are going to be displayed on my websites.  I will move them to that site when I feel they are ready.

With the challenge of all the expectations I have for myself, what others expect and just what I want to get done, there is one thing I never thought I would have to really face.  I struggle with an attention for detail.  Some will say that I have one, but if they ever really got to know me, they would realize I do not. I am more of get it out there, get it done and call it good.  However, I keep hearing,  ‘Anything worth doing, is worth doing right.’ I follow this well.  Any project I set out to do, I want it done well. I am not going to piece it together. I am going to make sure it is complete and how I want it. I will not notice if there are extra spaces or a return out of place.  I may miss some grammar errors or a lot.  At first glance it will be complete and visually appealing. With anything though, I can look at it over and over and see all the things that need to be corrected. Especially, when I look at anything through with a new set of eyes.

I discovered this while organizing my latest book.  My sister would look over my work. If something was not centered or one side had more space than the other she would notice.  I do not notice those things right away.  The only way I will notice things like that, if I am laying awake in bed.  Then I will see that the drywall tape on the ceiling is showing or that spot that needs a second coat of paint.  It is truly interesting what others will pick up on versus what we normally see.

Anyways, I just needed to voice my exhaustion of trying to keep everything straight, organized and stay productive.  I am excited to write and make things available.  To avoid ridicule, I will pace myself on posting things though. If you notice errors, it was only so I would have the ability to get it out sooner. Please judge nicely.  I hope others can relate to my rants.  Maybe soon I will be able to put it all together and provide some amazing epiphany on how to manage everything in life and be the best we can be. Till then, happy reading. I hope I can give you what you are looking for. I feel this may have been a little disjointed journey into my thoughts, I hope it wasn’t that confusing.

Research into Cannabis 

First, I think the hardest thing for me is trying to figure out how I should refer to cannabis. I think I’ve determined I prefer calling it marijuana. However, if I get lazy I may just put weed or pot. No matter what you call it, the social norm seems to be to consider it taboo. Even those that regularly partake in the activity tend to keep it under wraps. You’d be shocked how many people regularly use marijuana for various reasons. Even more shocking is the variety of people who use it, from your waitress and boss  to that nurse or doctor. Even when I was concerned about my usage of weed with my anesthesiologist because I had to go under, they assured me there would be no problem and it was probably better than what they were giving me, with an insinuation they’d known from personal experience. When you start to openly talk about using marijuana, I feel you discover a secret side of people that everyone is afraid to reveal.

That idea is just ridicules. It’s not a drug addiction. People are no more addicted to marijuana than other people who are addicted to coffee or soda or other things that we can access everyday in society. We never consider caffeine a drug, and rarely will we even acknowledge it’s an addiction because addictions are bad and only drug users get addicted. I couldn’t possibly be addicted to caffeine, it’s only in everything I drink. I’ve never gotten a headache because I decided to stop using weed or get jittery till I can have my next drink or puff. The only difference with marijuana and all those other things, that are socially acceptable to have, is it can help with some major health problems. Also it helps with a multitude of problems which limits the amount of other drugs you may need. My favorite part, because I may not live an all natural lifestyle but I definitely tend to be mindful and conscience of it but marijuana is grown and is natural. Very few things are left in this society that are made from one ingredient. I wanted to learn more about this hot topic and create any easy resource for first time users. I wanted to make the experience less taboo and scary, so that people could really understand the science behind that green plant and feel more comfortable using it for what ails them.

In school I was taught when researching a topic to always use books and credible sources. I figured I’d use books because those after all,were the only credible sources. I made a plan to go to my local public library. My children loved the library and so did I. I felt like it would be a productive and easy day to get research material. I hit the library one Saturday afternoon, cause I’m old school like that and occasionally I enjoy just flipping through a book. I couldn’t wait to learn about the technical side of pot. I needed to understand the different strains and what they did. To me it was fascinating when I asked the bud experts at the dispensaries about pot, they’d talk about the strains and the ratios and what it would do to me. There was just so much to know! I am more of a visual person and I sometimes need to see the information to fully understand it. I figured not only could I research the subject to understand the strains better, but actually learn more about what that simple plant could do and the less side effects it had. I wanted to learn everything I could about this amazing plant.

I had been telling the people that have been supporting me and trying to make my dreams a reality, about my plan and what I wanted to research. They suggested that I do my research on the internet. Again my 9th grade teacher’s voice came into my head,” reliable sources are from books.” So I sat down at the computer at the library and started my searches for books. I was not old school enough to miss having to use that giant card box to find books. This is when I discovered all the things marijuana could be called, so I searched pot, weed, cannabis, and marijuana. The results were less than stellar. I had my dewey decimal (source: Google) numbers and a section to look through so I made my way to the non fiction books sure I’d find that one or two books that would answer all my questions.

When I arrived in the section that the searches had referenced, I was greeted with substance abuse, drug rehab and the dangers of drugs. I couldn’t believe it, as a society have we really not gone that far to eliminate this taboo? How could there be a natural substance that could take care of so much and be considered the same as other drugs that just made you feel good for a limited time and caused so much harm. Where you are always looking for your next fix. I never felt that way with pot. I could take it or leave it. I even considered not renewing my card. I didn’t spend the day waiting till I could have my next dose, I wasn’t addicted. My decisions to have pot were usually based on how I was feeling, was I in pain, was I feeling nauseated today, was I having problems with stress and anxiety that made it hard for me to interact with others or was I going to have a particularly difficult time falling asleep. Those were what drove my desire to have a gummy, not because I had to but because it was a better alternative than all the medications I would need to resolve my variety of ailments. So as I stand In this section that’s telling me drugs are bad, I can’t help but wonder, where is the book that explains the science behind it and lets me make that decision for myself.

My easy research project to help learn about the strains of pot and ways to use it may end up being me having to research on the internet which I was looking for a break from. Also do I have to write the non bias book about marijuana before I can continue with my other project idea. It truly blows my mind that something that has been around for decades and has been so prevelant in the news and on our political decisions almost every year has so little information on the topic. Even books about the “drug”‘are short or they are just references within other addiction books. This is definitely not right. I’ve never been one to make political stands and I tend to shy away from controversial topics. I’ve always had my own opinions on the various matters and I know what I would do but I would never push my views on others. I do not have any intention of trying to convince everyone to use marijuana. However, with everything in life, it does have definite benefits that have been overlooked for far too long. I will make it so that does not happen. No one should have to suffer in pain or with nausea or the other issues that marijuana can help treat. Why would you choose a medicine cabinet full of various manufactured pills when you can have a simple brownie or cookie infused with cannabis that can solve the problems of half that medicine cabinet in the bathroom. The decision is easy to me. However, I will never force my decision on others, I just want them to be educated. Not by the media bias, which is either for or against, but genuinely understand, to make an educated choice, if they want to use the drug. My stance is definitely everyone over 18 should be allowed use marijuana, anyone under 18 can be given it by an adult if medically necessary. Also that choice should not be as expensive as it is, but that is definitely a topic for later. Now after a depressing trip to the library, I will be researching on the internet. I do have renewed hope that going to the college may get me better sources. Wish me luck in finding my sources and hopefully they are all not bias.  I hope some will focus on the technical specifications of the plant instead of the effects of some strains. There has to be unbiased information out there!

The Munchies

The munchies are my least favorite side effect from using marijuana. The year before I had lost 30 pounds and was really enjoying how that made me feel. When I started taking marijuana all the problems that had made me lose the weight were no longer a problem. I wasn’t nauseated so the thought of eating appealed to me for the first time in a long time. I realized the more I ate the better I felt and how everything just felt better. The downside,  I was making horrible decisions on what food I ate and I gained all 30 of those pounds back. I was disappointed in myself but it doesn’t effect me as much as my weight has in the past. Instead it just makes me want to make a change and feel even better than before. I did it once and I can do it again. The first step is changing my diet and especially munchies choices to healthier ones. My main cravings were tastes and I have go to foods…

Salty = chips

Sweet= chocolate and candy

Frozen = ice cream

The first step is making easier healthy changes to something else that could provide what was missing. First with chips it was the salt and the multiple items I could essentially munch on. I have started to eat nuts instead. They were salty and I could eat them in multiples. It was a perfect substitute. The next easy one was the frozen. Instead of ice cream I made sure to buy frozen yogurt. Its half the calories and curved that cold craving for me. I also don’t get along well with dairy so it was a good idea to make the transition. It was actually odd that I was craving ice cream. I never really craved it often before because of the damage it would do to my stomach. There would be five different flavors of ice cream in our house at any one time. The reason because it really didn’t get eaten much. I rarely ate it and my husband didn’t eat sugar often but he usually preferred ice cream. So when the munchies hit and I was eating all the ice cream in the house, I couldn’t figure out why. I was being satisfied when I switched to frozen yogurt do it wasn’t really a craving for the ice cream. I started to get frozen chocolate bananas. I’d go through a box a night. I was craving things that were cold and soft. I started freezing bananas and covering them in chocolate. My husband joked if anyone ever said I was deficient on potassium that I needed to find a new doctor. I also started to freeze other fruits strawberries, grapes and anything else on sale at the fruit market. An awesome side effect, my kids love these treats. My youngest would look at me, put her hand to her forehead and say,” I’m hot. I need something cold.” The award for most dramatic actress goes to Kenzie! Of course she always wins a trip to the freezer to grab whatever frozen treat she  wants.

The sugary craving has been the hardest for me. I really love sweet things; chocolate, taffy, marshmallows, baked good, cherry slices, cinnamon bears and anything else I can find. How do you combat that? Especially when the more you eat the better you feel. I’m still working on this one. However, it needs to start with moderation. My main problems in my diet are over eating the bad and not eating enough of the good. The thought of eating 20 carrots seems like a huge undertaking but eating 20 M&M’s  seems like the smallest serving in the world. So I have started to eat more of the good stuff and really focus on super small portions of the bad. I just need to satisfy the craving. If you tell me no I’d get annoyed or upset and start to binge eat. So instead of that normal size brownie I’d have one bite. Then if I went back for another bite I’d still be eating less than I had been. However, as I continue to redirect and fill up on other things I tend to not look at those bad choices as much.
So let’s be honest and see how theses simple changes are going to make a difference in my diet. I’ll record my weight today and as I write future posts I can update you on any changes. Cause let’s be honest, no one wants to gain a ton of weight because the medicine they are taking to feel better makes them clean out their houses pantry. Unless you do, then by all means do the opposite of what I’m telling you. I’ll include the healthy and unhealthy version of each choice. Trust me I know a lot of yummy foods that are not even close to being healthy. We’ll see if I can satisfy that craving with a healthier version.
My real problem, my main addiction is mountain dew, it always has been. I’ve been drinking it for as long as I can remember. I actually don’t really remember what I used to drink that wasn’t soda. I hated milk and didn’t enjoy water. I love soda. I’ve switched through the varieties but I always go back to mountain dew. Every now and then I have stopped drinking it all together but that doesn’t last very long either. I always crave it and the energy it gives me. I never feel alive or awake till I have my soda in the morning. I hate coffee and tea isn’t much better. It isn’t even the caffeine I need I don’t think. It’s the cold feeling as it slides down my dry mouth especially when it’s ice cold and it always just instantly calms my stomach and my anxiety. I have no idea how to replace that or have something else duplicate that feeling. So the only option is to work on moderation. Can I limit my soda and get my munchies under control with my suggestions above? I have no idea you’ll have to check back in to see what the results are. At time of writing this I am at 247 lbs. I was down to 218 lbs before I started taking marijuana. I weighed more than that at the time of my marriage in 2004. It’s a constant struggle but the first step is always being honest with yourself.

Occupation: Author

If you read my last post it was a lot about discovering being an author. I think the main take away is I think after years of trying to figure it out, I have finally figured out what I want to be when I grow up! I am excited about that.  However, this may turn into my most stressful an exhausting job ever, well next to being a mom. Let’s face it being a mom there are no sick days or vacation time. With writing at least you set your own schedule. I think it’s one of those things though that the amount of effort put in equals the amount of return you get back.

I have published my first book and I have spent hours trying to get the word out there. I sit and refresh my social media pages and my book sales numerous times to see what is happening. I have reached a new level of insanity. It is truly maddening. Here I sit though ready to take on the world and figure out all the social media and promoting tricks. It is completely exhausting. However, with every like, tweet, and sale I get, there is a sense of knowing that I am getting attention and my dreams are not that far out my reach.

The start of this post seemed like such an epiphany driven post and then it just stopped. I should also clarify here, I am going to be typing like I think. Kind of a free writing blog where I can just let my mind wander. All my other writing and life is so structured it would be nice to have a space that is where I can express all my thoughts uninhibited. So enjoy the peek into my mind, it can get scary and confusing and I apologize now.

I originally wanted this post to be about the long struggle to figure out what I wanted to be when I grew up, but now I cannot remember if I said that the last post or not. Well I’ll say it again, but probably completely different. It will be an interesting journey regardless.
I had mentioned before how I didn’t give much thought to be a writer when I grew up. I was going to be a lawyer. Then I actually worked for and had to see the dealings behind the scene. I also had to deal with court proceedings in my own life. Maybe one day we’ll get to that story, but I digress. The whole experience left a bitter taste in my mouth.  I didn’t want that to be my life. I had another thought though to, Would I be good enough? My parents always told me I could be anything I wanted to be when I grew up. All the TV shows delivered the same message. I believed it every minute of the day. Then I went to work, Then I was faced with disappointment and hurt and being told I wasn’t good enough. I needed more experience . I started to doubt myself .  Little by little the doubt would flare up. Others would reaffirm my doubt.It was never intentional, it was usually their own doubt crossing over into my doubt. If they didn’t believe they could be anything they wanted to be, why would I think I could be anything I wanted to be. They often proved that they couldn’t do it, how could I do it.

So I had a job that I didn’t like how things were done. If I was motivated and full of hope I would have said I would change it. I would make it better, hurrah! I was hitting that cynical door. I was hearing what was coming out of it. So I thought if I doubt I can even be a lawyer how can I possibly be good enough to change everything.  However, I reached this Epiphany while I was in college studying psychology to help me read people better  for witnesses and such. That was the plan. The plan was also to study to be a paralegal while going to college. That way I could get my certification and start getting my legal experience right away. That was motivated full of life, Nichole’s dream. I was real Nichole and I already worked and went to school full time how can I do that as well?

I went to school for a degree I didn’t plan to use and a dream I was starting to give up on. I was going to school in North Dakota at the time. The freezing temperatures and deep snow didn’t help my desire to go to class. I also was never one to want to go to class or wake up early. I was about a full semester away from graduating and I just stopped caring and failed an entire semester. I also was transitioning jobs. I was unhappy and knew I needed to make some changes to make life better.

I changed jobs a few times, I always assumed I’d be happy if I just found a good job. I actually found it. It was a police dispatcher for the city. It was great and full of excitement. I got to meet new people and experience new things, but it just wasn’t enough. I still wasn’t happy. I knew I could never deal with the cold and be happy. I was bored in life and needed more. I had the opportunity to move to Arizona and I took it. I was willing to walk away from everything I had to start over in a new place. I needed a change and that’s just what I did.

I packed up my house, put my house up for sale and left North Dakota for Arizona with no job, no place to live except the camper I was driving and a dream of a change. That whole experience is a story in itself. That will be later. I was motivated to make Arizona work and I did. I got good jobs. If I didn’t like what I did I would move on to something better. After quite a few years in Arizona I had everything a house, a family with two kids ava two dogs and a really good paying job. I had gone back to school and got my psychology degree, another great post opportunity about my feelings on college, later.

At this point I reevaluated my life. I still wasn’t happy and I should be happy. I had struggles like anyone but it shouldn’t have been as bad as it was. I had read self help books. Everything they said made sense, it all felt like common sense. I looked at my job though. It had tons off opportunity for growth and advancement. I had put 6 years of my life into that job. However, I hated it. The only reason I went to work was cause I liked a lot of my co-workers but I also had a lot that made me dread going to work. I just didn’t know what to do. I felt all the signs pointed to quitting. I took a leap of faith and decided to sell insurance and do customer service from home so I could keep my income steady.

It was at that decision I felt for the first time that I really started to understand and get myself on the right track. I started to feel the bitter and angry Nichole go away. The motivated and full of dreams Nichole emerged. I felt for the first time I finally had a plan of action and the only one in my way was seriously me and I worked hard to get out of my way. Sometimes I held me back, sometimes I pushed me forward. However, I still had no idea what to be when I grew up. Do I stick with customer service and try to climb the corporate ladder again? It was a plan I was familiar with, I knew I’d learn from my mistakes and this time I could really succeed. Every time that thought crossed my mind, all I could think was a big fat  nope! I tried to learn more and look around at other possible career paths. I knew it was just the responsible adult option.

Then I’d consider insurance salesman. I could see that as an option. It gave me the freedom I needed. I would have the income potential I desperately needed. However, there was zero stability and I only made money if I put 110% in. I kept trying to convince myself I could do it. I’m still trying to convince myself I can do it but I am still not sure it’s ultimately what I want to be when I grow up. Do I go back to school and get my masters in psychology so I can do something with my degree or do I finish my original plan and go to law school? None of that really felt right. So I would tell people I didn’t know what I wanted to be when I grew up. They thought I was being funny. The truth, I had dreams of what I wanted to do in life but I had no idea how to get there and what I would like to do to get there.

Now we have come full circle, after years of deciding what I want to be when I grow up, I have finally found it. I want to be an author. I want to write like I’ve never wrote before. I want to finally write down all the idea and stories that have been in my head for years begging to come out. Since I’ve started writing I’ll think of an idea and won’t be able to stop writing till it’s complete. So far I have this blog I want to commit to. This is going to be my public journal of my thoughts and opinions and discoveries. Included in that ramblings is going to be me attempting to make my weight loss dream a reality along with my other hopes and dreams. If I’m not accountable to anyone I’ll never succeed but if I get outside pressure and start being completely honest with my self I will succeed.

I’ll be writing a blog and page for GiveMomBrownies.com that will be for news about the book and other ideas I’ll be having in the future. I also decided to try and get my other writing ideas out there. They’ve been ideas for awhile and will be fun to share, but take a lot longer to complete. Those writings are going to be on nickyskingdom.com I’ll seperate each page to be a different story and a new blog post will be a new installation of the story. Also we all have our dark dirty side and sometimes you just need to get lost in your own dirty thoughts. So add the need arises or if one of my stories lends itself to a really good erotic scene I’ll be writing those versions on my other website at nickyskinkdom.com! I am thinking that between keeping up with 4 websites, a Facebook page, a Twitter account and other social media my writing career is going to be the most time consuming experience of my life. However, it’s definitely something I am super excited to begin. I feel like I’ve just been waiting to write everything I have to say down so I can finally stop talking all the time and just listen and experience life.

So far I have my other jobs still, I’m a Mom with a child about to go to kindergarten and a three year old, I have to take care of my household and now I want to be a writer. I think to say I’m busy is the understatement of the century. I feel like super woman ready to take on the world. I just have to keep reminding myself I can be anything I want to be, I just have to work hard for it. If I work hard I’ll have my dreams come true. That’s the message I want my children to learn and the only way they’ll get it us if they see it happen. I’m going to make this happen for me and my children. I want them to be the best versions of me, I want to contribute two amazing productive members of society. We all have to start somewhere if we want to make a change. I’ve learned over the years, if you are not happy with something, figure out what it is and how you are going to change it. Only you are responsible for your own happiness.